Should You Use a “Drop and Go” Approach at a New Childcare Center?

The short answer is: No. However, let’s dig into that a little further.

Those familiar with me know that I typically recommend a connected and gradual approach when supporting our little ones in new transitions. This can include, but is not limited to: starting a new school, moving into a new home, welcoming a new baby sibling, etc. However, it becomes confusing when parents begin to start their child’s transition into childcare and they receive suggestions that tell them to do otherwise; that a quick “drop and go” is the best approach.

When it comes to young children, they feel safest in connection with their trusted caregivers. Their caregivers are literally their source of safety and survival. Without their caregivers, they cannot meet their needs on their own. It is no surprise they want to be close to us, and it is no surprise that they struggle with separation. Of course, some kids struggle more or less than others based on other factors including: age, temperament, environment, trauma history, etc.

In order to help children make the connection that their trusted primary caregivers (their parents) feel safe and trusting of their additional/supplement caregivers (childcare providers), I typically recommend that the child, caregivers/parents, and childcare providers spend at least some time together before the big transition. During this time spent together, it is important that the child’s primary caregivers exude confidence and calm in their interactions with the childcare providers. This is recommended because children look to their trusted caregivers in order to understand if new situations are safe or dangerous. Children are doing this as young as 10 months old; even before this age, children get a sense of our emotional state through out physiology (heart beat, breathing patterns, etc), and emotional tone.

Of course, I recognize that not every center allows for multiple transition visits, and may only allow one, or not allow them at all. If that is your case, although it may not be the most ideal situation, there is plenty you can do at home that will also support your child’s familiarity and connection with their new childcare providers.

Now, knowing that children do better with a gradual and connected approach, why would a provider suggest a quick “drop and go?” It’s kind of like the “ripping off a bandaid” saying. It is the belief that doing it quickly will avoid more pain than necessary. That may work well for bandages, but not necessarily for young children.

When I have discussed this topic previously, I have heard from childcare providers directly. Some stated that it was their policy and they didn’t have much wiggle room. Others truly believed that this approach was best because they have witnessed it with their own eyes and reported that it results in less crying. Based on what we know about children, less crying doesn’t always mean something is better, just like more crying doesn’t always mean we are doing something wrong. I typically do not recommend that we use crying as an isolated measure. We have to consider the context, our child’s individual temperament, how supportive the environment is, etc.

I have also had providers state that many times parents “make transitions harder” by lingering with their own anxiety. This statement is something I can sometimes agree with. It is really important that a caregiver has calm and confident energy during transitions. The caregiver’s energy is contagious to the child. A calm and confident caregiver supports their child in feeling confident and safe. We want our children to understand that there is a “golden thread” tied from their primary caregiver (parent) to their childcare provider; this means that they are on a trusted team together, and the child understands that they have a shared goal of keeping them safe.

But, even in a situation where a caregiver is struggling with their own anxiety, we would want the childcare team to connect with the caregiver to help them feel more confident, and not simply resort to a drop-and-go approach that the child and the caregiver are both uncomfortable with.

A gradual and connected approach allows both the caregiver AND the child to gain confidence and trust in their new childcare providers and in the new environment. Although it may take more work, the investment is worth it. You will be supporting your child in building a trusting relationship, helping them feel safe, and expanding their village of support. That is priceless! Well, daycare costs a fortune so maybe it’s not, but you know what I mean.

One thing I want to clarify with this discussion, is that I am primarily referring to a transition at a brand new childcare center with new providers the child is unfamiliar with. Of course, once your child is used to their new childcare setting, you may do a quick drop-off and be on your way. That is different because your child is established with their supplemental caregivers and understand what to expect.

If you want to know how to support your child in a gradual transition that prioritizes their connection and feeling of safety with their new providers and new childcare setting, the ultimate Childcare and Preschool Transitions Guide contains 90+ pages of insight, tips, and tools to help make the transition easier for both you and your child. It also includes an audio read-through of the guide to help you access the information easier in your busy routine.