Are Tantrums Normal?
Your toddler is starting to throw tantrums, and you’re wondering, are these normal? Is this intensity normal? Do they happen this frequently? My child is hitting and banging their head…is that normal too?
I’m here to tell you that yes,
Tantrums are a normal and expected part of a toddler’s development.
Once we understand a little bit about the developmental science, tantrums make complete sense. Here, let me show you!
First, let’s consider the development of the toddler’s brain.
The part of the brain responsible for skills like emotion regulation, logical thinking, impulse control, etc, is not fully developed until we are in our mid-20’s. The building blocks for these skills are laid in the early years, and some of these skills begin emerging in the toddler to pre-school years as well, but for young children, these skills are still limited, require a lot of practice, and support in order to learn.
Second, a toddler’s social-emotional development plays a role in their increase in tantrums.
Between 18-24 months (give or take, every child is different), children are going through a stage of development where their developmental focus is on emerging self-assertion and independent self-concept. This means that your child is:
Gaining an awareness of self
Determining and selecting their own goals and intentions apart from their caregivers
Using egocentric reasoning
Practicing increased autonomy
These are skills that your child needs to practice now, so that they can become independent, aware adults in the future. The practicing of this self-assertion and egocentric reasoning, combined with their under-developed brains is a perfect recipe for tantrums!
Third, toddlers primarily use behavior to communicate since their language is still developing.
Even when toddlers are beginning to say more words, it is a different, and more complex skill to be able to use our words and connect them to our inner emotional experiences and express them to others. A toddler’s most effective form of communication is through their behavior. Their behavior shows us an important message about their inner state. Tantrums sometimes tell us that:
Our children are overwhelmed
Our children are overstimulated
Our children are tired
Our children are frustrated or angry
Our children need connection
So you can see, developmentally, tantrums make sense. There is a lot going on in your toddler’s brain during the first five years of life, and in order to lay the building blocks for future skills, our children require a lot of our support!
Want to learn more about your toddler’s development and how you can gain the confidence to manage their tantrums while supporting their development of new skills? Make sure to get on the waitlist for the next launch of the Toddler Tantrums Masterclass. Click here to get on the list.
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